Posts Tagged ‘Kanawi’

Words are powerful

Monday, December 15th, 2008

Has it really been so long since my last post? I really need to set an alarm or something. Anyway, here’s a few more thoughts about Episode 12 of the podcast.

In the episode, Bernie referred to Danny as my master and Garrett as my slave. This is not the terminology we use. In particular, Garrett is not my slave. He is my sub. I majored in history in college. I’ve done a lot of reading and research about the slave trade and the Civil War. What happened to many slaves was so completely abhorrent and so different from how I treat my subs that I do not use that word to describe my relationship with Garrett or anyone who has been submissive to me. Many people in the scene do use it; that’s their choice. But it’s not mine.

In Episode 12 there was also some discussion of my sexual orientation. As Belle said, I am bisexual. I put myself as a two on the Kinsey scale. However, I haven’t dated a woman since I joined Kanawi, so I can see how people could think I’m actually straight. I’m not one of those women who ate pussy once and so call themselves bisexual forever, either. I just haven’t found a woman I want to date in a long time. When the right one comes along, I’m sure everyone will know, ‘cause she will be screaming good and loud.

Also, to clarify something from my last post—Belle and I have never been romantically involved. A lot of people joined Kanawi after they started dating someone who was already a resident. However, Belle was the TA for a women’s studies class I took in college. I was interested in intentional communities, she happened to mention Kanawi…the rest is history.

 

“There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” – Rumi  

Thanksgiving at Kanawi

Friday, November 28th, 2008

Yesterday we had our community Thanksgiving. Overall, it went really well. My parents decided to have dinner with my sister’s family, so they weren’t around this year. That’s cool. I was able to spend the day with people who are as much my family as those who are actually related to me. Both Danny and Garrett were around for dinner, and while it was still weird, it was a bit more comfortable than Halloween.

In the morning, before the kitchen became really crazy and guests began arriving, Tina and I made Jello together. I think that Jello at Thanksgiving is a little silly, but it’s a tradition here, and evidently lots of other places (Google “Thanksgiving Jello” without the quotes if you don’t believe me). Belle and Tina usually make it together, but Belle has been buried under mounds of grading. When I saw Tina starting to make it on her own, I volunteered my fabulous apple-chopping skills. And I really enjoyed having the opportunity to hang out with her.

Although we have communal meals every day and community meetings once a week (if not more), enough people live in Kanawi now that it’s hard to really know or spend a significant amount of time with everyone. I realized recently that my closest friends here are all male, and mostly lovers or former lovers. Thus, I’m trying to take opportunities to spend time one-on-one and in small groups with community members I don’t know as well, especially women. 

 

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.” –Richard Bach  

Probably worried about nothing

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

One of the problems with the Shake situation is that apparently the community never came to consensus about him coming to live at Kanawi. I’m the recorder for community meetings, and even I don’t know how that happened. It’s crazy. And a lot of people are still very angry.

I am, on the other hand, worried. Danny and I are thinking about moving in together, which means that he would join the Kanawi community. I can’t imagine living anywhere else. But with the atmosphere the way it is, I don’t think the community would allow anyone to join right now. We aren’t on a timeline; there’s no reason it has to happen soon. But I would rather that Danny be evaluated on his merits (which are many) rather than in reaction to a situation with someone else entirely.  

 

“When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.” –Chinese proverb

Spooks and goblins

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

Last night Kanawi had its annual Halloween/Samhain party. I dressed up as an old-fashioned nurse, complete with cap. My primary, Danny, is a medical resident, so he thought this was particularly funny. The party went well overall, but it ended up being somewhat awkward for me because my two partners, Danny and Garrett, were both there.

The two guys get along with each other fine. That’s not the issue at all. Rather, I felt at times like I was being pulled in two different directions, wanting to keep both of them happy, but not able to be in multiple places at once. Garrett and I have only been dating for a month and a half or so, and it’s only in the last couple of weeks that things have really started to heat up and get well into NRE (new relationship energy) territory. Danny and I have been dating for more than two years, on the other hand, so we’re kind of like an old married couple. Besides duration, the two relationships are very different in other ways, which compounded the issue. The dissonance was mostly in my head—I don’t think that other people noticed anything weird.

If Danny ends up moving into Kanawi, as he and I have discussed, and Garrett (who already lives in Kanawi) and I keep dating, then this sort of situation will arise more frequently. I hope it becomes easier over time.

 

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” –Carl Jung  

Yoga among the community meeting

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

As Bernie mentioned, we had an incredibly long community meeting about the situation with Shake. Long meetings are not uncommon here, and achieving consensus is really important to the community running as well as it does. However, it’s still difficult to listen to people argue for hours on end while we try to make sure that all voices are heard.

One way I cope with the meetings is by doing yoga while everyone is talking. I am responsible for taking notes during meetings—one of the ways I contribute to the community—which reduces the poses I can reasonably do. But even sitting in lotus or standing at the table in a lunge while I type on the laptop can be helpful. I challenge you to try it: the next time you’re involved in a difficult discussion, find a pose that feels good and allows you to keep talking, Or, if you can, take a five minute break to spend some time in child’s pose or downward dog. Just a little bit of getting in tune with your breath and body can make a world of difference.

Namaste.

 

“A photographer gets people to pose for him.  A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” –T. Guillemets  

Chill out, people

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

Regarding the situation with Shake: I don’t know Shake. But I do know Logan. And while he loves playing practical jokes on people, I don’t think he would knowingly expose the entire community to a drug night after night. One pan of special brownies, sure—but he’d be laughing at us the next morning. I think that everything has been blown way out of proportion. The fact is, Shake is a darn good cook.

 

“A good cook is the peculiar gift of the gods. He must be a perfect creature from the brain to the palate, from the palate to the finger’s end.” –Walter Savage Landor  

Let’s get this party started

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

Welcome to my blog! Thanks to Bernie and Belle for encouraging me to start it. I intend to use this blog to share with people my views on the community, on relationships, and on yoga. These views are not always the same as Bernie and Belle’s, so I hope my writing will spur conversation. I also expect that writing this blog will help me to better understand myself.

Some background: I’m Hannah, and I’ve lived in Kanawi since 2005. I’m a yoga instructor, doula, and aspiring midwife. I primarily teach Hatha yoga, with some Vinyasa and prenatal thrown into the mix. Like many people at Kanawi, I am polyamorous. I’m currently dating two wonderful men.

 

“Knowing others is intelligence.  Knowing yourself is true wisdom.”       –Lao Tse