Season 01 Episode 32 - Winkyank, Porn, and BK Bathrooms

[Thanks to Marvin for writing this summary!]

Short Summary

(pending… see longer summary)

Memorable Quotes

11:55: Belle: We weren’t thinking about food, but we were thinking about eating.

Full Summary

Bernie starts by playing voicemails. The first voicemail is Kathy having an orgasm. For the next 10 minutes of the episode, everyone is slightly distracted and not quite with it. Belle remarks that that was comparatively quiet, and Jacob pointedly responds that it’s not always like that.

The next voicemail is from Mad Gastronomer. She thinks that the discussion of the listener’s letter last week was backwards. The crew took it to mean “I am poly, and I’m being hit on by a guy who is in a mono relationship. What do I do?”. Mad Gastronomer points out that it could have meant “I am poly, and a single mono guy is hitting on me and wants me to be mono.”. MG says that there is no way she’d go mono in that situation, but Jacob is quick to point out that one-night stands should still be OK in that situation.

Now it’s Belle’s turn to spill the beans about the meeting with her ex that kept her away from last week’s episode. To recap, they were going to go to a restaurant, a public place, so that they wouldn’t just fuck and not discuss anything. On the way to the restaurant though, one thing led to another, and they ended up in a Burger King restroom and had sex there. The back seat started making out, and started reaching around in the car, and so Belle pulled over, and the four sneaked into the bathroom like little schoolgirls. Fortunately it was the women’s bathroom, because that one was reasonably clean! They did finally make it to the restaurant, but they were quite late because people kept coming into the bathroom and they had to hold still and be quiet until they were gone. They didn’t discuss much while there though. To Belle, everything seems just so great and easy that there isn’t much to discuss. She is ecstatic that poly is working out for her so well, and attributes the success to The Ethical Slut. Jacob announces that he’s going to write “Sportfucking 101″, building on the huge fan base he has amassed from the podcast.

Once Jacob’s fan base is under discussion, Bernie pulls the information out of Jacob regarding the porn he allegedly did. Jacob admits everything, and says that he performed in a variety of stuff, all straight. He didn’t want to be too open about it, because he thought that people wouldn’t accept him. In fact, he had a long talk with Gaby about it before the show. Why did he quit? A few years ago there was a big HIV scare in the industry, and many people quit, including him. He admits that some of the porn-like jobs he talked about in earlier shows may in fact have been fictitious. Sadly, he doesn’t want to release the titles of the films he was in on the show, but he might be willing to play an audio clip. Audio clips of his films don’t give away too much because there isn’t a lot of talking anyways. Belle thinks that’s a shame, that porn would be much better if it had more story, like a Hollywood production but with real sex scenes. “Pirates” comes to mind. Maybe the community will perform some pornographic plays?

Finally, Bernie does his woojack. For the second time it involves zombies, and so the discussion veers to the topic of zombie porn. What do you call zombie porn? Necrophilia? Un-necrophilia? Neo-necrophilia? Unfortunately for Bernie, OK Cupid has changed, and woos are now called winks. The crew discusses the semantic differences between woo and wink, with two clear camps emerging. Bernie and Belle think that “woo” comes from “woohoo” or “woha”, whereas Will and Jacob think it’s about wooing someone, as in courting them. Will figures that that’s probably why they changed it in the first place. The new, decided name for “Woojack” is “Winkjank”.

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